Trying something new here. This fun little blog has photography contests every week. I was in the mood for something fun, here is my contribution this week. Please go to their site and check it out!


www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com

This is my sweet niece, tired of her auntie taking pictures of her with my new camera. She has the poutiest lips! And you gotta love those eyes!

Today I was driving home from work and I started to think about what I thought I would be doing today. I thought we would be in China preparing to meet our daughter tomorrow. Then I started to think about what that is really going to be like. Like many adoptive parents I often focus on being home with Lily I forget to imagine the exact moment mother-daughter and father-daughter meet will be like. I have heard many adoptive parents say that they cannot find words to express how meeting their child feels. It is so overwhelming and emotional. Even though we are not meeting our daughter tomorrow I will be thinking of her all day. May is not that far and I know we will be meeting her soon, I really wanted to get her now but now I see maybe I actually needed more time. I just hope she hasn't given up on us and knows we are still coming for her.

I had an interesting conversation with my two big boys on the way to the store last night.
Noah said he knew what he wanted from the "Easter Bunny". (the comment was a little odd anyway because our kids don't ask for anything from the EB, they get what they get). The way he said it was with an emphasis on the Easter Bunny in a way that made me look at him. I said what do you mean by "Easter Bunny"? He said well I don't really believe in the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause maybe a little but not the Easter Bunny, think about how old I am. Well I thought it was time so I was glad, we'll just keep this little thing going for a few more years for the BB (baby boys). Then he and Sellers continued to have a conversation about what they believe in and what they don't. To my surprise they may not believe in some things but they told me they wholeheartedly believe in Leprechauns. What???? Seriously he said if he was Swedish or something he might not believe in Leprechauns but since he is mostly Irish he does believe in them. His arguments as to why they exist cracked me up, how is it this very intelligent child could possibly believe in Leprechauns when he doesn't believe in the EB and SC? Too funny.

Last night I was awoken, two things were on my mind. Travel Approval and Stellan. Well sadly the news on Stellan is not very good. I encourage you to pray for this family, they have an amazing story. I am not sure how I learned of their story last year, I think through another site but it is quite a story. Unfortunately this family is facing serious health issues with their infant son. He is in the hospital now with a serious heart condition. This family has a strong relationship with God and have been a witness on their blog for some time.

Now on to the Travel Approval. Well this morning I emailed my caseworker. I asked her several questions and expressed my concerns for not having our TA yet. Within 2 hours I got the BEST news!!!!

OUR TRAVEL APPROVAL IS SOON ON THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our agency heard from the CCAA (the agency that handles China adoptions) and they were told our TA is being signed and mailed. We should get it soon! Just knowing it is truly on it's way is such a relief! We will travel and be back before our immigration papers expire! I am so excited! First I cried, then I called John. We are just thrilled to know everything is OK.

I know most people that read my blog (if anyone actually does :0) ) doesn't really understand what adoptive parents go through. Adoption is hard, hard, hard. Very different from carrying my bio boys because I knew it would end at 9 months. Adoption can go on FOREVER. It is so hard to see all these pictures of Lily and not have her here. She is our daughter, sister, granddaughter and cousin. We all think of her and pray for her daily. I love her so much and I have never held her, never heard her voice, never played with her or taken care of her. It is so hard to explain but so true. Our and her adjustment to life together here may be a bumpy ride but I am ready to jump on. Now please China, I have been patient but we are ready to go get our daughter! Please send us our Travel Approval! Please!

OK, now I feel better. We are having the most fantastic weather here and it appears that Spring has arrived. We may have a little cold snap here and there but the flowers are coming up and the trees are blooming! This weekend we put up a hammock. We love it and the kids and I have had fun relaxing in it. If you don't have one I would highly recommend one. We also bought some more plants for the yard and it is a gradual process. The boys are starting their garden. In the little greenhouse starter kits they planted cucumber, watermelon, tomatoes and I forgot what else. They love it. Last year they only planted tomatoes and it was awesome always having fresh tomatoes! We are going to attempt a little more this year and will probably add year after year until we get it just right. I love this time of year when the world around me awakens.

Are you like me? You put something up in a "special" place and then cannot find it. I do it ALL.THE.TIME! I have yet to find the instruction Manuel to my new camera. Today it was the cord for my camera to hook it up to my computer so I could download pictures. I looked in all my usual places. I couldn't find it anywhere yet I knew I had put it somewhere "special". Thirty minutes later I finally found it. Not in a special place at all but in the junk drawer in my kitchen. Somewhere I look nearly everyday.That is so typical of me! Well I finally downloaded pictures and am going to share some here they are from the last 5 months...

Playing in the fall leaves...

The boys using their imagination, Wyatt was loving the attention.The kids all get an ornament on Christmas Eve. Noah is hanging Lily's on the tree.The boys with their cousins and neighbors playing in our rare snowfall. It was gone by midday.This is a card Sellers made for a girl at school. I found it in his cubbie when I was straightening up one night before bed. I had to take a picture to have a record of it. I especially love how he spells. I call it southern phonics. Shugr is priceless!Wyatt's first bubble gun, he used it until the batteries died, it was a big hit!Me, my dad, and my brother Chris on my dad's 65th Birthday!Papa blowing out the candles with all his grandchildren. (missing Lily though of course)One morning after working late Sellers burst into my room at 7am to ask me what he could do because he was bored. I snapped at him and laid in bed. I was about to get up to apologize to him and here he comes walking into my room with breakfast in bed. This boy is so thoughtful and forgiving.Wyatt picked up a bucket in the garage one day and said "mom, how come we don't got no sand in our yard to play with"? The next weekend John did this. Very simple but they stayed in the sandbox for hours.This is my favorite picture of Lily. We got it yesterday. It is a picture of her when she received our package. She is carrying it and has the best smile. Seeing her face makes it worth every ridiculous penny it cost to send her that package.

I have been so busy, which is probably a good thing so I wouldn't think too much about the fact that I am not going to China in the next 2 weeks like I thought I was. I am really okay with it now because time is flying so I know that the day will quickly approach for us to leave.
Things are going really well at work. I like it a lot and feel like I am learning but it is A LOT to learn and it will take a long time before I can birth a baby by myself (nurse wise). I have the sweetest preceptor, she is so patient with me and does a great job teaching me. Sometimes I have to be pushed because I still like to have her right there if I need her. There is a lot I am doing independently and I feel like I am in a good place for having been there a month.

Since we are not going to China until May we decided we are not going to put Lily in public school this fall. We do not feel that this is enough time for her to get ready. We are going to home school her and send her to a 3 hour church kindergarten at the school the baby boys go to. We think it is the best thing to help reinforce those early skills. After that year we will decide where to go from there. I feel much better about this because I was very nervous about her going to regular school for so many hours a day so soon. I also like the idea of her having some additional biblical learning. Most likely she has never heard of Jesus or the Bible so it will be nice to have her exposed to that more too.

Tonight we are celebrating for St. Patrick's Day. We don't normally do this but I was in the mood to celebrate. We are having Corn Beef, Cabbage, Rice, cornbread, green cupcakes, and green kool-aid. My brother and his family are coming over so it should be fun. I will take some pictures and maybe download them here. I have been so lazy about posting pictures...if only I could get my camera to do what I want it t

I have managed to look for the positives in not going to China until May because it looks like that will be it. I chased away the grey cloud and am just looking forward to the day we do go. I know that when she is here and with us the wait will be long forgotten. I just hope she is not in China thinking we are not coming. It would break my heart. If we receive our TA ever then we will hopefully be leaving on May 8th and most probably get Lily the day after Mothers Day!

Gotta go to bed because I have to get up early to work my first weekend. Thankfully I won't have to do it too often because people like working the weekend for the extra diff.

This little grey cloud has been chasing me. I could see it. I could feel it. I didn't want it to get me. I was doing okay until this morning when I learned that our agency would not allow travel from mid April to First of May. With that I knew that we were in bad shape. With no TA now it was possibly going to be May before we went to China. Suddenly that grey cloud grew bigger and heavier. I was at work with a lot of people who don't know me well and certainly don't understand how I feel. I tried to explain it like this: It is like going to the doctor at 9 months pregnant, you are so excited because you know any day you are going to meet your precious baby and then the doctor looks at you and says, I am sorry you are going to have to carry your baby 2 more months. (I do work in L&D after all) All day I fought back tears and exchanged emails with my agency. Tonight as I read my email from them it seems that we are not going until May. I am so disappointed. I am trying to see the positives of this (are there?) and know that this is the way God planned it from the beginning. I am just praying for a miracle.

On a side note: I got an email today from the agency that sent our care package to Lily, she got it and they have a whole camera worth of pictures for us. That might just help me get through this or make it worse. Who knows?

Chinese has got to be the hardest language to learn. We have been trying to learn some but I am sure that with our southern accents Lily will just look at us like we are crazy. For some reason the sounds are just so hard to make. I really want to learn certain things before we go but I don't know. It has taken 3 lessons to just learn 3 words or phrases.

Ni Hao
Ni Hao Ma
Xie Xie

I cannot imagine what it is going to be like to have a 7 year old child that we do not share the same language. I know it will be hard but we will get through it. I just keep thinking about a benefit that I read on a bloggy friends post. She was actually thankful for the language difference because it forced them to look at each other more and gesture and touch more. I have been holding on to that but I am not feeling too comfident that I am going to learn anything useful by the time we go!

I cannot sleep at night there is so much on my mind.
Lily. The boys.
Traveling to China.
The dangers of the pond across the street.
My job.
John's job. (his company was just bought, they will layoff 16,000-yikes!)
The faces of the children on THE JOURNEY who are so hungry.
The teens that are abusing our neighborhood.
Your plan for me, is it what I think?
The headlines. Scary, just scary.

When I cannot sleep I pray, pray, pray and finally I peacefully drift off to sleep.
I cannot imagine having so much on my mind and no one to turn to.
Thank you for the peace, for holding me in the palm of your hand. I still worry but deep down I know it will all be alright.

Where o where has out TA gone, Where o where can it be?

I really thought we would get it this week. I was surprised when this week came and went and still no Travel Approval. I don't know now if we will be able to make it to China in March, we may not be able to go until April and that makes me sad. Seeing these pictures of Lily the last few weeks makes me more anxious than ever to go get her. I am going to give it this week since we had to deal with the Chinese New Year during our wait but if Friday comes and goes and no TA, I am going to be seriously disappointed!

You just gotta love the South, my kids are out of school today. School was canceled because our often gets it wrong weather people predicted lots of SNOW! We awoke this morning to NO SNOW, none at all. No surprise here. That is what southerners are used to. I hope they are right when they predicted that Saturday will be 78 degrees! Now that's the weather I want to see!

Wyatt has been talking a lot lately about going to Columbia to get married. I don't know where this all came from but the things he says cracks me up, like:

On the phone with his Nama he said out of the blue, "you better miss me when I go to Columbia to get married". Or...

When I was putting him to bed one night and he said, "I'm going to Columbia to get married next Friday". Or...

When I was looking at something on my computer and he saw a picture of a little girl he said, "that's the girl I'm gonna marry, the one with long hair".

I can't help but engage him in conversation about this, I even filmed it because he is so funny.
Apparently next Friday he is going to Columbia (which he says is very far away) to marry a girl with long brown hair, he doesn't know her name, he is going to live in her room and she is going to live downstairs, he has about $1.50 to take care of her (which he claims is enough) and we better miss him.